Because we are gods in the making, who have temporarily assumed the physical make-up as human beings, we are subjected to the basic emotions of earth existence. These undeveloped emotional sensations constitute, while we take on the earth experience, as real and necessary experiences. When we are unwilling and seemingly unable, to share these innate feelings, an overt shyness takes hold which manifests as a manipulative need to gain control over people.
As paradoxical as this may seem, we find ourselves evermore capable and adept of employing a favorable charismatic strategy over people and situations in order to remain hidden. To cover up a deep sense of experiencing oneself as 'wrong', accompanied by a genuine knowledge of presenting oneself as 'phony', a loss of innate power is reverberated throughout the body and mind, coupled by the need to present oneself as invincible and correct. The soul knows this act of contrition is deceptive but will support the gesture so that the human, enacting his role, may survive in his particular social environment.
The person will continue to enact a subversive way of calculated behavior, by seeming to comply, but all the while, determined to be more perfect, right and flawless in personal presentation. In other words, 'to get his way in the end', a deceitful manner concocts undue pressure, along with the vulnerable defense of protecting one's motivations from being detected is often noted.
We are always aware and never without the reality of conviction in our motivations, but we pretend to be clueless. In effect, we cheat the soul out of an authentic human communicative sharing and in its place serves up false shallow impressions. What happens is that we are forced to live with the predisposition of extreme self loathing coupled by critical displays of our own natural and convenient artistic expression.
We continually, subconsciously condemn ourselves for being so superficial and deceiving, yet do not correct the exchange. Never is there a time when we can feel good about what we do or say because we are inherently aware that we have other parallel shallow motives which involve deception.
We analyze, without relent, probe and dissect each and every thought, action and gesture looking for more imperfection and flaws. Erroneously, when a perceived deficiency is found, we fight with ourselves, until we are able to eradicate the fault, or at least, are convinced that the other is not able to detect our superficial exchange. Trouble results when we magnify its subliminal defect, non-stop, until we consciously bring that particular symptom of fallacy has been corrected according to our perceived standards.
The exhausting act of being at war with ourselves belies our sense of wellness and vitality producing unnecessary tension and pressure when we believe we must be more than we are naturally accustomed to being. When we hide feelings, we begin to deny, discount and denigrate them, as if the determined ploy diminishes their relevance. Not so. Buried emotions do not subside but grow in demeanor like unfed monsters hidden away in the attic; they devour and destroy everything and anyone in arm's reach.
In order to subdue the self-generated deceit, because of the need to appear perfect, we become intolerable of any apparent wrong we discover in ourselves, thus reflecting the ill onto others. We inadvertently become uncompromising and unwilling to bend and flow. Resistance sets in, taking hold our young characters, molding it in such a way as to be agonizingly inflexible and intolerably rigid.
How unfortunate for us as we 'set in stone' the unpleasant and uncharacteristic demeanor of non-forgiveness in ourselves. We will not accept the appearance of imperfection. It's as if we need to display an ability of having the answers to problems for everything and everybody. Along with this inflicted high and mighty attitude, we do not allow ourselves vulnerability on any level, at any time.
We make it seem as if we are capable of taking care of every situation, not needing anyone's help or advice; intolerant of outside interference or intrusion. Behind the face of uncompromising conduct, an excruciating penetrating self-analysis carries on, executing deliberate self-punishment for not truly being the unblemished person that is projected on the outside.
All the while, we are shrouded in awkwardness and humiliation simply because we experience ourselves as phony. Lies are perpetrated because we don't want to appear weak or incompetent. Negative personality patterns are established and maintained, which act as initial barriers of constraint to keep the other person at bay. Communication is virtually impossible due to the inability to separate the inner dialogue of fueled fantasy to keep up the farce.
A driven unconscious need to appear strong and invincible looms large. Our personalities suffer due to the projected 'know it all attitudes' which are quite disconcerting. We go so far as to imagine ourselves to be more equipped than most, thus developing subdued anger. Whether we inordinately believe ourselves to be more physically attractive, carry a perfected physical physique or mentally proficient, we resent intrusion upon our motives.
The result may show up as: an over exaggerated emphasis on the human body, spending time dieting or exercising at the gym. We will attempt just about anything to appear to be the perfect human specimen when emotional deception plays its escalating role. Personal braggadocio increases the exaggerated sense of power and influence to such a degree, that we try to impress the other with our brand of accumulated knowledge. We present it with an I am right, you are wrong, overbearing attitude.
All of these unflattering and misguided attempts to be more than what one actually is come from the inability to express emotions honestly. We do not need to, put on the dog show, trying to prove we know more than others do. We are not privy to inner secrets of the universe that need to be divulged to others.
When we set ourselves up, separate and apart, by not relating as authentically as possible, the isolated position makes for an uncomfortable apparatus which others detect and interpret as condescending. We come across as a self-righteous, self-sufficient manikin of perfected goodness and purity, who most assuredly demands revered respect. It's, as if, we perceive ourselves to be above the rest of humanity. The idea of being able to relate to another effectively is rendered impossible.
